This is the Heritage conference that I went with good self-esteem and LEFT with BAD SELF-ESTEEM! I've ALWAYS thought that I was beautiful...ALWAYS...buuuuuut that all changed in about one minute!!! It was Heritage 2004...eight years ago...I was 21 years old. We were at this youth thing and some guy made fun of me...pretended that the picknik bench I was sitting down at was breaking...the rest of the week...I thought...I'm NOTHING!!!
I specifially remember the last night....wearing this outfit...everyone said I looked sooooo pretty and I PRETENDED to act like I thought I did...buuuuuut I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, YOU LOOK HORRIBLE!!! Your NOTHING BUT A BIG FAT BLOB! No guy will EVER like you!!!
It really shook me for a while!!! I have heard people say, if people make fun of you, just change it!!! Thats A LOT easier to say, than to do!!! I can remember the feeling of absolute helpless-hopelessness about my situation!!! I was in the 400's!!! I didn't have 20, 50, 80 or EVEN just 100 pounds to lose...OVER 200 pounds!!! That meant that EVEN if I lost 100 pounds... which in itself seemed a miserable and unconcievable task...I would still have ANOTHER 100 pounds to lose! I couldn't even fathom it!!!
I come from a family of OVER WEIGHT people...buuuuuuuut I was the biggest out of EVERYONE!!! Do you know how that feels??? To know that your the fattest of the fattest...It feels HORRIBLE!!! It feels HOPELESS!!!
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when you see a really huge fat person, try NOT to make fun of them! You have NO IDEA how your lil comment may effect them!!! I know we're all human and we make mistakes...buuuuut just remember that the fatty that your laughing at is a human too...WITH REAL FEELINGS...JUST LIKE YOU!!! Instead of mocking them...have COMPASSION...you HAVE NO IDEA what they may be feeling inside...pray for them!!! Pray that God will help them and give them the strength to OVERCOME their weakness!!!
I'm gonna make it you guys...I'm GONNA DO IT...cuz I know God is gonna help me!!! Thank you everyone!!! Love you all and keep me in your prayers!!! :))))